im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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