is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
