your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
