I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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