I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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