So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
