im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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