I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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