oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
