I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
