Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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