Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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