my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
