I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
