You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
