Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
