Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
