I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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