It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
