My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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