We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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