I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
