They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
