Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have demons in me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
