The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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