Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
