he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
