I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
