Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
