I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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