You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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