Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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