I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize