and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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