woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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