I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
