I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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