i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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