I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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