if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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