guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
