Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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