i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So much rum. So many feels.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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