I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
