I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
