Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
