I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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