I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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