I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
