My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
