She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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