why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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