I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
