Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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