I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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