it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
