Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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