We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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