I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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