The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
