i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
