Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
