They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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