Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
