Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
