Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize