girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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