Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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