i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
