Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now

(469): View more from Texas

Pride?

(214): View more from Texas

thats a pack of cougars

(469): View more from Texas

go fuck yourself

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(434): View more from Virginia

NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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(716): View more from New York

she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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(512): View more from Texas

Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.

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(360): View more from Washington

Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.

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(503): View more from Oregon

If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents

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