I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.